Let the Poison consume the Heart it destroyed
by Daeneyr
Summary: Naruto falls into depression after hurting Sakura while being in the Kyuubi form. Takes place right after Yamato, Sai, Sakura, and Naruto go to meet Kobuto on the Heaven and Earth bridge and engage with Orochimaru, Kobuto, and later, Sasuke. He struggles to discover what his relationship with the Kyuubi, Sasuke, and his friends really is. Some SasuNaru. May contain lemon.
1. Chapter 1

"Stop! Stop! I don't want it to be this way!" She screamed as she ran at him. He saw her, registered her, recognized her. But even so, he was lost in the throes of hatred. His body would not respond. He tried to tell her to run, to stay away, but the most he managed was a terrifying roar that knocked her down. His body hurt and he was burning. His face was peeling away, and his heart felt like it was torn in pieces. Every breath caused him pain, and all of this was making him lose himself more. If he lost himself the pain would leave, if even for just a few minutes he could have reprieve. He saw his hand reach out towards her, terrifying orange claws outstretched, ready to kill. The claws were bloodthirsty and didn't care who it was.

* * *

He cried out in pain and horror at what he was about to do, and blackness ate at his vision. He couldn't fight it off, not the pain or the darkness enclosing his sight. With a hiss, the claws made contact, and he lost himself into the darkness completely.

He awoke from his nightmare, breathing hard and sweating. His hands were covered in blood, and for a moment his heart stopped in fear. He felt a trickle coming down his lips and he licked at the drops of blood coming down his nose. So it was a bloody nose, fortunately. At least it was his blood, and not someone else's this time.

He rubbed at his sleepy eyes and went to the restroom. After staunching the bloody flow, he warmed up a cup of milk in his kitchen. The kitchen was surprisingly less messy than normal. With nothing to do he would stay at home and clean. It took his mind off of things. Thunder bellowed in the distance, loud and deep. He took his cup of milk into his room and climbed into his bed where he sat looking outside.

The rain pittered down outside the window. His withered plant's leaves caught the drops, drooping forwards and allowing the much needed water to fall into the pot towards the parched roots. He sighed and leaned his whiskered cheeks on his palm. This was so unlike him, to sit still long enough to watch drops fall from the sky. Normally, he wouldn't care about the descending water. It's not like he goes out often, and even if he did rain wouldn't cause him any dismay. But things had changed. Normally to him rainy days would seem as bright as any other. But now, sunny days and rainy days fell into the same foggy darkness that everything had fallen into.

Why was it that he could never be happy? He could never even feel anything but anger. Sure he laughed and fooled around like he didn't have a care in the world, but deep down he was hurting. Behind the smiles were tears. But the problem was that he didn't know why he was crying. Salty water flowed across his palm, following his veins down his arms. Sadness flowed in his veins as much as blood did. It was such a huge part of him that he couldn't imagine what it was like to even experience happiness. When was it that he realized how miserable he was? When was the exact moment he realized that he hated his life? He couldn't remember a time before it. Was he born full of hatred?

He looked up at the darkened clouds above his village.

" Do you know why you're crying?" He pondered. A flash of lightning split the sky, leaving a crackling feeling in the atmosphere.

"I didn't think so."

Even though it was raining, he decided to go for a walk. This was the best time to go because no one would be out. He wouldn't have to wear the face of a clown and could be himself. Putting on his bright orange and black clothes, he looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were covered in dark circles that resulted in his lack of sleep. He tried to smile, but it seemed like even his reflection knew it was a fake. His smile didn't reach his eyes, which still looked dead as they had since that day. He put his hand up and placed it on the mirror. His reflection did the same, and when he removed his hand there was a palm print left behind.

"You're the only one who understands me." He whispered, "But no one but I know that you are there."

* * *

Stepping outside he breathed deeply and sighed. The rain began its job of drenching him through his clothes. It was raining so hard that by the time he got downstairs he was feeling the chill inside his sweatshirt. He began to walk towards his favorite spot; the swing outside the Academy.

He had been correct in thinking that no one else would be out in this weather. With the exception of the village guards everyone was at home, all warm and toasty with their families. He swung himself forward a bit on the swing, remembering how often he had been left alone in this very same manner. He used to be a bit of an idiot in those days. Always clamoring for attention, pretending he was an idiot so that others would laugh at him. Anything to be recognized, even if the recognition was for being a knucklehead. No one had seen the real him. The him that loved and wanted to be loved, the him that actually tried his best. Even though he was worst in class he never gave up on his dream. No one knew about that side of him, no matter how blatantly obvious he made it. Everyone saw the loudness in him but after every applause is a quiet that everyone conveniently ignores. No one acknowledged his hard work or never give up attitude. Even when he had thought he'd made friends, they hadn't seen the true him. They thought they knew him but they had never looked deep enough to see the tender side of him, the side that needed to be cared for. The sadness and tears he kept locked away. He wasn't sure if that had even been their fault though. He was the one who kept the emotions semi hidden, and lured others eyes away from the scars on his heart with his foolish antics.

His feet dragged on the ground, digging little troughs that quickly filled with mud. Water trickled down his face. He couldn't even tell if it was tears or rain at this point. He didn't even know if he cared. He got off the swing set and began walking again. He wasn't sure of his destination, he just began to follow the roads until he came to the building he usually sat on top of when he wanted to look at the five Hokage.

He climbed up and sat down on the slick rooftop. The Hokage looked the same as ever, all wearing grim, serious faces. He looked at the fourth Hokage.

"Did you ever doubt yourself?" He asked of his long-dead idol. "Did you ever hate your own life? Ever wonder about your existence?" The Fourth gave no answer. He sighed.

He leaned back and stared up at the sky.

"I wonder where he is right now. Sasuke. I wonder if this is how he's felt: trapped and helpless and lost in his own emotions. Feeling himself torn between how he wishes things could be and how they actually are. I wish he'd come back with me. We could get through this together."

Only he knew the darkness that ate at Naruto, other than his own reflection. He had known and understood and for that Naruto was grateful. He was also the only person Naruto had ever kissed. Even if it was an accident, a bond had been created between the two of them that neither could deny. It was more than friendship that made Naruto so desperate to bring Sasuke back, and more than friendship that had made Sasuke spare Naruto's life when he tried.

He stood up and began to walk towards his home on top of the rooftops. Dawn would be coming shortly and he wanted to get back to his home to clean up and prepare his mask for the following day. It wouldn't do for others to see the tender side of Naruto, would it?

He was almost home when he slipped. One of the roof tiles had been loose and Naruto had been so close to the edge that he began to fall off the building. He grabbed the edge of the roof but it was too slick with water and he fell off and into the alleyway behind the building. He hit his head with a loud crack and his mouth filled with blood. Whiteness filled his vision like a spreading fissure and his ears rang. Before he lost consciousness he managed to slightly turn his head to keep from choking on the blood, but that was all he could manage before everything went black.

* * *

He heard the whispers before he had fully woken up.

"It's that kid…"

"Is he ok? He looks injured."

"Who cares? I don't care what some people say about him being a good Ninja. I don't trust a fox child."

"Yeah, me either. If he dies, it's for the good of the village. I say leave him and pretend we didn't see anything."

"But he's behind my shop…"

"Well that's your problem. Maybe you should wait for him to die and then report it."

"Hmmm…Perhaps. Either way, if we continue to gather here someone will get suspicious. Come inside."

The voices got distant and Naruto heard the sound of a door closing. He was awake then, barely. He didn't have the energy to cry out and when he tried to move the whiteness filled his head again, threatening to throw him back into unconsciousness. His tongue was swollen from where he had bitten it in the fall and he was pretty sure that his arm was broken. There was a puddle of water right next to his face that he managed to get a few laps of water from. It tasted dirty but at least it was soothing his tongue a little. His clothes were still soaked from the rains of the night before and he had no way to dry off, so he was sure that he would get a cold at some point if something wasn't done soon. He moaned loudly, hoping to grab someone's attention. Unfortunately for him it was a Monday in the entertainment district. No one went to the theater or bars at this time. There was no one to hear his moans and whimpers, and the shopkeeper whose building he was behind had made it clear that he didn't much care about the injured boy outside by his garbage cans.

As if he knew Naruto was thinking about him the shopkeeper came outside with a bag of garbage. He glared at Naruto who looked at him with his eyes half closed in semi consciousness. The man squinted and walked over to him. He got down onto his knees and lifted Naruto's head a little to look into his eyes. He frowned and dropped Naruto's head.

"I don't care if you have innocent looking blue eyes. I know that there is something wrong with you. You're the demon fox that killed my daughter, and here I have the chance to finish you off for good. Out of respect for the Third Hokage's wishes regarding your treatment, I won't kill you myself. But that's all the kindness I can afford. I'm not going to help or harm you. I'll let fate decide your sentence. Will it be death or life, Demon?"

Naruto moaned again and coughed up some blood. The shopkeeper tsked in disgust and dropped the garbage bag practically on top of Naruto, who lost consciousness as the shop keeper reentered his store.

When Naruto came to again he felt a little stronger. He still couldn't move his head too much but his tongue was no longer swollen. He drank some more water before trying to move a little. He slid about an inch but his head and arm hurt so much that he was threatened with unconsciousness and darkness began to cover his vision. He managed to fight it off but didn't attempt moving again.

"Why do I bother?" He wondered. He carried inside of him a will of fire. He refused to give up, ever. But what had that done for himself, other than get him injured unnecessarily? He hadn't even been able to keep the one person who understood him by his side. One by one he lost everyone, and never gained anything by it. He fought so hard to become Hokage, just so that people would notice him for something good. He remembered one thing that Iruka had told him about becoming Hokage.

"You don't become Hokage to get people to recognize you, you get people to recognize you and then you can become Hokage." He had said.

But no matter what Naruto did, he wasn't recognized for anything but the stupid fox trapped inside of himself. He grabbed his stomach and squeezed, tears at the corner of his eyes.

"It's not my fault." He told the door leading into the shop. "I'm not the fox. I'm Naruto…Uzumaki…"

_That's not true though, is it? Whenever you get mad you turn into me and hurt everyone near you. If you were truly your own person, wouldn't you be able to control your anger better? Why do you turn into me whenever you feel something real? I know you, Naruto. I see everything, know everything you are feeling. I know that you feel nothing but emptiness almost all the time, but when you feel real emotions: intense anger, sadness, or longing it is I you turn into. Does that not make me your true form?_

"No you aren't the same as me. I'm a different person. That's like saying that me being asleep is my normal form of consciousness, and that being awake is an altered state. When I'm feeling angry and upset on a scale that calls for your possession I'm not being myself. I lose control to your anger."

_You don't lose control. The real you takes control of your body, and your fake consciousness watches as your subconscious takes over. You wouldn't hurt people that you truly cared about, that you held no grudge against. It just so happens that you have a grudge against everyone, even those you think you care about. And how do you know that being asleep isn't your normal form of consciousness? When you look into that mirror in your room, do you see yourself happy? Do you see yourself empty like you are normally? No. You see yourself full of hurt and anger that no one understands. That is your true form. I am part of that true form. That makes me part of you. You and I are one, Uzumaki Naruto. _

"I don't agree with you. I know that I am unhappy, but that doesn't make me hatred incarnate, like you are."

_Perhaps not. But you would be surprised at how thin the line is between sadness and hatred. I wouldn't start disagreeing with me when you have no way of proving me wrong._

"Shut up, Kyuubi."

The fox stopped talking and Naruto sighed. He couldn't prove that he and the fox weren't the same thing. The villagers seemed to think so, and he knew that none of the people his age or younger knew about the Kyuubi trapped in his body, with the exception of Sakura, who had seen him turn into the second state of possession once. He was sure that was the only reason they weren't as hostile towards him as the previous generations. No matter what he did to prove himself though, many people wouldn't see him for his actions, but as the troublesome jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, or as the class clown. They were so used to his tomfoolery of his childhood that they couldn't acknowledge his strength.

Naruto pushed himself forward again, slowly dragging himself to the entrance of the alley. Although he hurt and was on the verge of losing consciousness once more, he didn't stop until he passed out. It took him most of the day to make it to the other end of the alley. By that time, more people were visiting the bars to get a drink after work. Because of the darkness none saw Naruto in the alley, who was unconscious. As soon as Naruto regained consciousness once more he whined in pain. He began to moan more and more until someone heard him. Fortunately for himself it was someone who wasn't keen on the idea of pretending they hadn't seen him. It was a young woman who found him and went to get help. As she ran off to find a medical ninja, Naruto was able to fall asleep. He hoped she actually came with help and wasn't just running off like the men earlier. Not that he could do anything if she did. Like the shopkeeper said, he was in Fate's hands now. Naruto could no longer keep himself awake and so succumbed to his sheer exhaustion.

The medical ninja ran up to the alleyway where Naruto was. There were three of them, two to carry a stretcher and one to apply emergency treatment, if necessary. They carefully examined Naruto to check to see if it was safe to move him. He had a broken arm, two broken ribs, a cracked skull, and a bitten tongue. On top of that he was suffering from slight dehydration and fever, and odd injuries along his lower arm. Though they poked and prodded at his injuries to get the full extent of the damage, the boy wouldn't wake up.

They carefully lifted him onto the stretcher and began to run towards the Konoha Hospital.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't until the next day that Sakura was informed about Naruto's accident. She had been let off of work early the day before, and had just missed him. She had wondered why he hadn't come to Ichiraku's to get ramen with her last night. It was so unlike him to not come get ramen, he practically survived off of the stuff. She had assumed that he had either forgotten that he had promised to treat her to a bowl or that he couldn't afford it and had decided to save face by not showing up. She had been betting that it was option two, but she had never even considered that something bad had happened. It wasn't like Naruto to get into trouble that he couldn't handle. At least, not in the village anyhow. She felt terrible that she had been judging his character without knowing all of the facts. He had been severely injured and alone in the middle of his own village and there she was assuming that he was being immature and standing her up. She should've known that he wouldn't choose this time to break a promise. It wasn't his nindo to go back on his word.

"I'm sorry, Naruto. I won't doubt you again." She said to his unconscious form. He looked so peaceful while he was asleep. She still hadn't gotten over how much more mature he was since he came back from training with the legendary sannin, Jiraya. Not only was he less foolish, he was also kinda hot.

Sakura sighed. She knew that no matter how attractive Naruto became she would never be able to fall for him. It wasn't because she was still tied up with Sasuke. She didn't really love Sasuke anymore. He had caused her too much pain. She still wanted to save him from his own hatred though, before he hurt himself as badly as he had managed to hurt Naruto and herself. That's one of the reasons she became a medical ninja- to protect the ones she cared about from getting hurt.

But there were some things that she couldn't heal.

Sakura grabbed Naruto's hand. His palm was a little rough from the wear that the Rasengan gave it. He hadn't mastered it well enough to keep from causing callousing when used too often. Sakura smiled faintly. Typical Naruto, as soon as he thinks he's mastered something, he moves on to the next thing. Even if he hurts himself in the process.

As she looked back at how much Naruto had changed since Sasuke had left, she began to tear up. She had been so caught up with her own feelings at that time that she hadn't thought about his own. She asked him to bring Sasuke back for her, without thinking. After the retrieval squad got back and she found out that Naruto was badly injured she wasn't worried about his safety as much as she was upset that he had failed at his promise. But once he woke up he hadn't given up on the promise. It had completely taken over his whole mind. Bringing Sasuke back became more important to him than his lifetime goal of becoming Hokage. She had no doubt that if Naruto's death would bring Sasuke back to Konoha that he would willingly give himself to the knife. And that is what hurt her the most.

Sai said that it was because Naruto loved her that he had made the promise. Sakura knew that wasn't right. No matter how many times Naruto asked her out, he had never really meant it. She could tell it was just part of an act he put on when he wanted attention. Especially now that he had returned from his training, he really didn't like her like that. It was Sai's inability to understand emotion that he couldn't get the subtle difference between Naruto's love for her as a sister and love as in a relationship. She had come to the realization while Naruto was unconscious after trying to get Sasuke back that the one he truly loved was Sasuke. She wasn't sure if he even fully realized it himself. She wouldn't have known if she hadn't held his hand and managed to somehow feel the emotions he was feeling in his sleep while he was dreaming of Sasuke. She wasn't sure how she had managed to be privy to that information. She wouldn't be surprised of maybe it was his subconsciousness calling out for her help. He had sacrificed his own feelings towards Sasuke in order to promise to bring Sasuke back for her. He was willing to give up his own feelings so that she could be happy. And even now, he still wanted to bring him back. She didn't want Sasuke to come back for herself anymore, not that she told anyone that fact. Instead, she wanted to bring him back for Naruto's sake. He was the only one who understood Naruto's true self, the one she had caught a glimpse of once before. With Sasuke's return he could save Naruto, and vice versa.

She let go of Naruto's hand and began to skin some apples for him to eat when he woke up. The slicing was a way for her to relax and let go of the feelings of regret she had regarding Naruto and Sasuke.

She wouldn't be surprised if Naruto secretly hated her for making him make her that promise.

If it was the other way around, she was sure she would have hated him.

Sai entered the room with a painting he had made for Naruto. It was one that showed all three of them, plus Yamato and Kakashi and he had even drawn Sasuke in as well.

"Why did you add Sasuke?" She questioned.

"Because, he's part of team Kakashi as well." He replied. "I know that it means a lot to Naruto to keep believing that." He tried to smile, but per usual it was an obvious fake. He still was unable to let his feelings show, or express appropriate emotions at correct times.

"Is Naruto doing alright?" He queried. Sakura nodded and continued peeling apples.

"Don't you think you have enough apples yet, Sakura?" Sai commented, nodding over to the overflowing bowl of sliced apples that were already going slightly brown. Sakura frowned. She hadn't realized how long she had been sitting next to Naruto, musing over the past and slicing apples. Sometimes she wondered if that's all she ever did. It seemed like one of her friends was always in the hospital at any given time.

She finished the apple she was on and then put down her knife.

"Yeah, I just kinda got caught up in what I was doing and didn't realize. If you want some apple go ahead. I don't think he's going to eat all of those. Oh, but try to eat the ones that are browning first." She replied with a sigh. Sai took a few and thanked her before looking back towards Naruto.

"He looks like a doll." Sai mentioned. Sakura half smiled. Naruto did indeed look a bit like a doll the way he was right then. Quiet, and unmoving.

"Yeah, a little."

There was an awkward silence for a little while, and then Sai stood up to leave. He put the painting next to Naruto's bed and bowed to Sakura.

"I apologize for leaving you alone, but I must go. Danzou needs me."

Sakura waved him off.

"Of course. There is no need to be sorry." She replied. In fact, she was kind of glad that Sai was leaving. She felt freer to feel emotion when he wasn't there, being as emotionless as a billboard. She knew it wasn't his fault, and that he was trying to change, but still. It was too awkward. Sai made his exit and Sakura leaned forward onto Naruto's bed, resting her head on her arms. She was slightly bored, but felt guilty for feeling that way. She didn't want Naruto to wake up alone, knowing how much he hated to be alone. Especially after last night. Fortunately, Lady Tsunade had let her have the day off just so that she could be here, although part of her wished she could be training right then. Sakura grabbed Naruto's hand again, to test and see if she could see his dreams like that one time. It didn't work, not that she had really expected it to.

Looking at Naruto's face she noticed something she hadn't seen before. There were dark circles under his eyes, very similar to Gaara's. She knew they had to have been caused by insomnia.

"That's strange…" She wondered. Her experience with Naruto had been that he slept like a rock in any situation. He would fall asleep while running sometimes. Something must be seriously wrong for him to not be sleeping well.

"I wonder what's going on with you, Naruto. You've been different recently, and not in a normal way. You're more reserved and quiet. I guess I should be grateful for it, considering all the complaining I used to do, but now I kinda miss it. I can feel it in your Chakra that something is going on inside your heart. I can only hope you can overcome it. I don't think that I could lose you the way I lost Sasuke." Sakura's tears dripped down her cheeks. "I mean, The way we lost Sasuke."

* * *

Sakura didn't remember falling asleep, yet here she was being awoken by Lady Tsunade, who had come to visit Naruto.

"Sakura, has he woken up yet?" She asked. Sakura shook her head as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. The sun was shining in the window and birds were chirping on the other side.

"Is it tomorrow already?" She questioned, surprised. Tsunade nodded.

"You didn't show up for morning training, so I assumed I would find you here." She said, "Plus, I planned on visiting Naruto as well. I need to ask you something, Sakura."

"I know. I felt it." Sakura replied. "Naruto is changing. I felt it in his Chakra." Tsunade looked surprised.

"I wouldn't have expected you to be that advanced in Chakra detection, especially considering that you aren't a sensory type. Of course, you are my student after all. Regardless, I knew you'd find out, just I thought you would have realized based on the physical symptoms."

"You mean the dark circles around his eyes?" Sakura commented. Tsunade shook her head.

"Sakura, did you even read the medical report?" She tsked. Sakura shook her head.

"No milady. I know that I should have but I was really worried so I only looked to see if there were any life-threatening issues. There weren't any mentioned so I didn't look at the non-life threatening injuries. I'm sorry. What is it that I should've seen?" She asked guiltily.

"Dark circles under his eyes are not enough to prove anything. But look at these." Tsunade lifted up Naruto's non-broken arm. There were bandages around the wrists.

"I'm sorry, Milady. I don't quite know what you are getting at. He hurt his other arm too? What does this have to do with the insomnia?" Sakura was confused at how cryptic her sensei was being.

"It's alright, Sakura. I know I'm not being really clear, but I know that this will hit you hard and I was hoping you would have come to the realization yourself about how the insomnia, Chakra, and hurt wrists would come together. I'll stop beating around the bush and just come out with it." Tsunade took a deep breath before she began.

"I'm sure you've noticed something slightly different about Naruto. He's been quieter and more accepting than usual. He almost never leaves his house. Even Ichiraku hasn't seen him for a while. You are the only person he really talks to anymore. He has been secluding himself more and more often. At first I thought it was because he was busy training or something. That's usually what's going on when he disappears for a few days. But as the time dragged on I realized that something was up. The medical records confirmed it. Naruto is undergoing some sort of depression."

Sakura looked confused.

"He can't be…not Naruto. He's usually so bright and cheery." Tsunade averted her gaze from Sakura's and look towards the blonde on the bed.

"The medical report said that there was evidence of self-mutilation and that there was a darkness in his Chakra that was unusual. His Chakra is usually so warm and inviting. And he has been suffering from insomnia. All of these factors are why the medics have diagnosed him as having depression. There is also some talk amongst the Medical Ninja that his fall from the roof may have been a suicide attempt."

Sakura gasped,

"Do you really think…" She started.

"No, I don't think he was trying to commit suicide. If there is one thing that I know about Naruto, it is that once he makes his mind up on something, he follows it through. As much as I hate to say it, if he had wanted to be dead, he would be dead. Plus there is evidence that he dragged himself to the entrance of the alley. If one was trying to kill themselves, they would not go to such lengths to survive." Tsunade paused and her eyes grew softer, "I don't think there is any doubt that he is feeling upset about something. But I refuse to believe that he would think of committing suicide. It's such a selfish way to die, and Naruto is so selfless that I doubt he's capable of such a death."

Sakura nodded in agreement.

"I can't believe that I didn't know. I thought that we are friends. I must be a terrible friend if I couldn't even see him changing like that. "

Tsunade looked at Sakura kindly.

"Don't blame yourself. Naruto has had to hide his feelings for most of his life. He is an expert. If he didn't want you to know, there was no way you would find out. Not by looking at him at least. No, I don't think there is any reason for you to blame yourself. He is lucky that he has friends like you by his side to stick with him, and peel apples for him to eat when he wakes up. You are a good person, Sakura, and an even better friend. Hold onto Naruto, and don't let him lose himself. That's your responsibility as said friend."

She sighed,

"And mine as a grandmother, even if it's only a nickname. I owe him that much."

Sakura looked at Naruto, feeling a lump in her throat. Was this all about Sasuke? About his need to deny himself to make others happy? About how he was treated as a child? Or was it something else. All she could do was wonder, because she knew that Naruto would never tell her.

Tsunade squeezed Sakura's shoulder and left her and Naruto alone once more. Naruto still hadn't woken up, but Sakura suspected it was because of his exhaustion at not having slept well recently. His body was probably trying to catch up while it could. Sakura didn't know how long she sat there, holding Naruto's hand and waiting for some sign of movement from him. A nurse came in and replaced the bag of liquids in the IV drip to keep him hydrated. She also brought Sakura a tray of food. She hadn't even realized how hungry she was. She hadn't eaten in almost two days. Even so, she couldn't bring herself to eat the rice and chicken that the nurse had brought her. It smelled tantalizingly delicious, but the thought of eating made her throat feel like it was tied closed. Tears would sometimes find their way down her cheeks. She felt a little empty inside, like it was her fault that Naruto was suffering so badly.

"Oh Naruto."

* * *

The flower that Sakura had brought was wilting. Flower petals were falling onto the bedside tables. She had brought him a daffodil. She remembered when Naruto had told her that they were his favorites.

* * *

"Why are we here again, Sakura-chan?" Naruto complained.

"I have to get Lee a flower to take to the hospital. His old one is wilting."

"Hmmph…" Naruto pouted.

"What kind are you going to get?" Ino cooed. Sakura shrugged,

"Maybe a tulip or something. Or a lily."

"NOOOO don't get him a lily…those are a sign of death. You aren't wishing for him to die are you?" Ino commented.

"Of course not! "

Sakura looked over and saw Naruto by the daffodils. He was looking quieter than usual and a soft, small smile played on his face.

"Naruto-Kun?" She asked. Naruto looked at her guiltily.

"Yeah?"

"Are you looking at getting a flower for Lee too?"

"Nah, I think Bushy Brow is fine with one. I was just thinking of getting Sasuke one." He replied.

Sakura was shocked. Naruto was being nice to Sasuke?

"Um, well if you go along that kind of reasoning, there are plenty of flowers in Sasuke's room. He has a lot of people who care about him bringing him prettier flowers than those weeds." Sakura replied, not meaning to sound as harsh as she did. Naruto got into a slight defensive stance and sighed.

"Alright. I'll meet you outside ok ,Sakura?"

"Oh um, alright." What had gotten into Naruto all of a sudden? Sakura grabbed a few tulips and paid Ino at the front desk before running outside to catch up with Naruto. He was sitting on the ground with his knees pulled up to his chest and was resting his head on his kneecaps.

"Naruto, what's wrong?" She asked. He stood up and started walking towards the hospital.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

On the way to the hospital they had run into a daffodil growing in the lawn in front of the hospital. Naruto had looked at it with warmth in his eyes and smiled that smile that Sakura had seen in the flower shop. A real smile.

* * *

Sakura sighed and squeezed Naruto's hand, wishing for him to wake up.

She remembered what he had said when she asked him about the daffodils.

He had said that he liked them because they like to pop up in unexpected places and it was a nice surprise when he would find one. He said that he thought that they were a message from his parents, telling him to look up and smile. Even in the darkest places in the woods, you could probably find a daffodil if you looked hard enough.

"Naruto, no matter how depressed you get, keep looking for those daffodils. Keep looking for the things that make you smile and laugh and feel warm inside. I'll help you find all the daffodils you need. Please, don't give up hope."

Naruto had begun to have a fever again. He had had it since he came into the hospital, but it subsided earlier. It seemed that it had come back in full force though, and Sakura went to the nurse to get some fever reducer to give Naruto.

"Because he hasn't woken up, you'll have to give him an injection." The nurse ordered while handing Sakura the needle.

"I know that," She snapped. The nurse looked taken aback: usually Sakura was really sweet. She decided she must just be really worried about Naruto.

"I'm sorry…I'm just a little tired is all." Sakura said apologetically.

"Don't worry about it. I understand." The nurse smiled back kindly. "It's tough."

Sakura smiled back sadly and returned to Naruto's room, where she found him moving in bed. It seemed like he was writhing in pain.

"Uhhhhhh…." He moaned and then flipped his head from side to side. Sakura ran over and put her hand on his forehead. The fever hadn't gone up anymore, so she doubted it was that.

"It's probably a nightmare." She mused. Sakura put the fever reducer shot on the bedside table and held Naruto down with one arm, using Chakra to strengthen her hold on him. With the other she began to pet his head to try and calm him down.

"Shhhh Naruto. It's alright, I'm here." She cooed, "I won't let anything hurt you anymore."

Naruto's eyes flickered and then opened. He stopped struggling and looked at Sakura.

"Hnnnnh…" He sighed before trying to sit up. Dizziness hit and he was fell back onto his pillow.

"Don't try to sit up, Naruto. Your head is still injured."

"Hmm." He replied. "I feel hot."

"You have a fever. Here, I have some fever reducer." Sakura picked up the needle from the bedside table. Naruto was looking the opposite direction, outside of the window. Sakura went up and gave him the injection. Naruto jerked away and growled.

"Sakura…" He moaned. "I don't like shots…"

"Well, it was the only way you were going to get fever reducer so suck it up." She snapped. Naruto didn't look up at her, but she saw some sweat drip down his face.

"Sakura…." He started before gulping deeply. "Get me some water…I think… I think I'm going to throw up…" He swallowed again. Sakura handed him a cup of water, which he took a few sips of while she grabbed a garbage can for him to vomit into. He took it from her and held it in his lap.

His stomach lurched a couple of times before he actually began to throw up. He swallowed hard, trying to postpone the inevitable.

"Please, I don't want to throw up, but if I must then please make it fast…" He moaned in his own head.

He felt Sakura place her cool hand on the back of his for support. His throat suddenly exploded into the bucket. He coughed and spit and took a deep breath before the next wave of vomit. It took him a minute to realize that Sakura was rubbing his back. Tears formed at the corner of his eyes as his stomach rebelled. At least it didn't taste bad. It was very watery and had no flavor, but because it was mostly water, there was a lot of it. It took him a few minutes until he was sure he was done, then he leaned his head on the side of the wastebasket and panted. Once he had his breath back, he coughed and spit the last of the sticky, mucus-y saliva that typically followed a vomiting session. Sakura offered him an apple to chew on.

"Here…chew on it to clean the acid off your teeth, but then spit it out. It isn't good to swallow apples right after you throw up because they are harder to digest. I'll go get some water for you."

Naruto took the apple and began to chew on it. It helped him get rid of the sticky taste in his mouth. His tears began to dry on his cheeks now that the sick feeling had passed. He spit the apple pieces into the wastebasket and Sakura returned with some water.

"Here." She handed it to him and he greedily drank it down to wash the acid out of his throat.

"Thanks" he gasped after draining the cup. He handed the empty vessel to Sakura.

"How long was I out?"

"Almost three days now." She replied quietly. "You had me worried."

"Don't worry about little old me!" Naruto replied, smiling. But this time Sakura was not fooled. His smile hadn't quite reached his eyes. Was this something new or had she just not noticed it before? Honestly, she was as bad as Sai when it came to reading emotions. If she was fooled for so long by a fake smile from her closest friend, then maybe she should join Sai in his research at the library. They could learn together.

"Naruto…I have to talk to you about something." She murmured. Naruto's eyes widened.

"Are you going to finally confess your love to me?! Yesss!" He teased, "It only took you 16 years!"

"No, Naruto. I need you to get serious for a moment, please." Sakura sighed. Was Naruto really feeling depressed? He sure wasn't acting very much like it. But Lady Tsunade had claimed Naruto was an expert at lying about his emotions.

Naruto looked at Sakura, surprised at her tone.

"What is it Sakura?" He questioned, worried.

"I need to ask you…about the fall from the roof. " She asked after a moment of silence. She looked Naruto in the eyes.

"What about it?" He asked, confused. Sakura began to cry when she asked,

"Was it really a fall? Or did you jump…did you try to commit suicide?!" She finished.

Naruto looked shocked and then sighed. He laid back onto the pillow.

"It was an accident. I promise." He replied. Sakura narrowed her eyes and scrutinized his face. Finally, she decided to believe him.

"Thank God…." She cried, letting the tears flow. She put her head on Naruto's chest.

"I couldn't bear to lose you to the darkness too."

Naruto lifted up his arm and looked at the bandaged wrist.

"I take it you…uh…you noticed." He murmured. Sakura lifted her head and wiped her eyes.

"How could you be so stupid, Naruto! Do you realize how many people care about you! Why do you feel the need to do that to yourself, when we are all here to support you!"

"I wouldn't expect you to understand." Naruto commented, "And so I won't bother explaining. It's just something that makes me feel better. It reminds me that I can still feel."

Sakura punched him in the spot where she had injected him.

"Can you feel that?! That's a shitty reason to do something like that to yourself. According to the medical records, you BITE yourself. Why does that make you feel better?!"

Naruto didn't respond, but turned to lay on his side, facing away from Sakura.

"Answer me!" She yelled out. It took a moment before he responded.

"Because at least I am doing it to myself and not to someone else." He finally answered. Sakura gaped at him, speechless. She realized that his shoulders were shaking and that soft sniffles were escaping from the other side of the bed. He was crying and trying to hide it. Sakura reached over to grab his arm in an attempt to comfort him. He shook her off.

"Just leave. You don't understand." He cried. Sakura grabbed his arm again,

"No…I won't…" She argued.

"GO! I don't want you here! Look, I appreciate you helping me, but I can't take it if you're sitting around here pretending that you know how I feel. Don't try to comfort me by acting like you can even comprehend what I'm feeling right now! Why do you think I don't tell anyone? I don't need your pity, your fake comforting. It won't help me!"

"But…" Sakura objected.

"Leave, Sakura. Just…go. Please." Naruto begged, looking at her with tears streaming down his face and snot dripping from his nose. "Please just leave me alone…"

Sakura looked at Naruto for a moment before turning around and running out of the room. She too, was crying as she made her exit, leaving Naruto alone again with his pain.

Naruto cried until he felt like he was out of tears. Then he just layed there feeling empty.

"What I said to Sakura…is the same thing Sasuke said to me…" He sighed, and bit his arm through the bandage until a sufficient amount of blood leaked through the wrappings and into his mouth.

That's why he did it. To remind him of the pain that he feels. To remind him why he always felt so empty. The metallic, salty taste of blood is the only thing that made him feel alive now.

That was something that Sakura would never understand.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: There is some Masturbation in this chapter, just a warning. Also, Yinghua means cherry blossom in Mandarin Chinese. It's actually the name of one of my betta babies :3 hehe. Hope you are enjoying this fanfiction... I mean, if anyone really even reads Naruto fanfictions anymore :( Please comment and let me know how I am doing. The more comments, the more likely I am to upload! THXXXXXXXX

Love and Hugs

~Daenyer

* * *

Naruto laid back on the hospital bed. He had been following the cracks on the ceiling with his eyes in boredom, wondering what he was even doing anymore. There was no reason for him to be in the hospital anymore, and he was forced to lay in the most uncomfortable fashion. Sakura had discovered that he had continued to bite himself and had tied his arms down in a crucifix style. He couldn't even scratch the persistent itch he had on his cheek from where some of his tears had died, or read a book, or change the music on the radio. He could only sit and wonder about how his future would progress now that Sakura and Granny Tsunade knew about his problems.

"I just wanted to protect you guys…" He moaned pitifully.

Sakura walked in with his breakfast and lifted his head up so that he could eat the rice she was offering him.

"I can feed myself." He protested. Sakura shook her head.

"I'm not going to untie you. Suck it up."

He remembered a time when he would have been thrilled that Sakura was feeding him. But now, he just felt an emptiness. He didn't really care.

When she was finished feeding him, Sakura tried to sit by his bed and make conversation.

"You're getting released tomorrow." She spoke to break the silence. Naruto didn't answer, just continued to stare at the ceiling where a moth was fluttering around.

"Lady Tsunade doesn't want you to be home alone anymore, so she wants Sai to stay with you for a little while. Is that alright?"

Naruto didn't answer right away, but when he did he was very bitter.

"It doesn't matter if it's alright with me, does it? It seems it has already been decided. Don't act like I have any choice in the matter." He spat out. Sakura sighed in annoyance.

"You know, we are just trying to help you. You could be grateful."

"You weren't helping me while there was still a chance to save me. It's too little too late now."

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"It's disgusting how pitiful you are, Naruto. What happened to the little boy who wanted so desperately to become Hokage? Who would never give up and always wanted to help people?"

"He grew up and realized that the real world wasn't so kind as to foster that kind of ignorant blissful existence. The real world doesn't give a damn about your dreams or feelings, except to crush them any chance it gets. That's what that little boy came to realize." He replied quietly.

"That's not true, Naruto. You proved to many people that you can do whatever you truly set your mind to. Don't give up, just hold on."

"Maybe it works for other people. But it has never worked for me." Sakura huffed in frustration.

"This is pointless. Just wallow in self-pity if that's what you want. I'm leaving."

"Thank god, She finally caught on to the fact that I don't want her here. Such a Genius." Naruto commented. Sakura turned around and slapped him in the face, causing his head to flop to the side.

"I don't know what the hell happened to you, but I don't like this new Naruto. If this is how you choose to be, then I don't think we can be friends anymore. I'm done, Uzamaki." She cried as she ran out of the room. His cheek was smarting because of the slap, and he turned his head to look at the ceiling once more. The moth was struggling to escape a spider web, which sticky, almost invisible threads pulled at the wings until it was unable to do more than twitch. Naruto sighed, and began to hum a song…

"All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right. I'm tripping on words. I don't know where to go from here…" He sang softly. Sakura heard him from outside the door, where she was sitting and crying into her kneecaps.

"Naruto, you're an idiot…" she sighed and got up to go home.

* * *

Naruto set up a small pad on the floor for Sai to sleep on.

"Sorry, but that's the best I can do." He sighed. Sai smiled one of those annoying false smiles and tilted his head to the side.

"This is perfect! Thanks Naru." He replied. Naruto sighed. Sai had finally come up with a nickname for him and Naruto wasn't sure how much he liked it. The only person who had called him Naru before was Sasuke.

"Are you hungry? I have some instant ramen in the drawer in the kitchen. " Naruto offered. Sai shook his head.

"I'm fine. Thanks Naru." Naruto shook his head and sighed.

"Let me know if you need anything." He finished before going to get in the shower. He grabbed a pair of boxers and a fluffy white towel with the Uzumaki clan symbol on it. He looked towards Sai, who was drawing something in a notebook. Naruto had hung up the paining Sai had given him on the wall over his kitchen table, much to Sai's delight.

Naruto closed the bathroom door and turned on the shower. He loved for his water to be so hot it burned, but it took a minute for it to get that hot. He looked at himself in his bathroom mirror while the water heated up. He wasn't a bad looking kid. He had clear blue eyes, spiky blond hair, tan skin, and a fit body. He usually had a good personality. He was caring and loving. Why then was he so despised? It's not like he even resembled a fox, except for the whiskery birthmarks he had on his cheeks.

He stared at himself for a minute until the steam clouded the bathroom and it became hard to breathe. He opened the window and got into the burning shower spray. He let the hot water flow down his nude body. It hurt at first, but he quickly became numb to the heat and began to massage shampoo onto his head. The steam felt like it was opening up every pore in his body. Little things like this would put him in a good mood for a little while. It helped add reprieve to the grayscale the world had become for himself.

Naruto washed the shampoo out of his hair and grabbed his scrunchy sponge he used to wash his body. It was supposed to resemble a duck, but it's head was coming off. Naruto applied a generous amount of soap to it and squished it into a lather. He then began to massage his body with it until he not only felt clean but also relaxed. He let the heat flow down his body for another few minutes. He began to think about Sasuke, about the time that they had had to take a shower together when their hands had been stuck together that one time. Naruto sighed, noticing that his cock had begun to rise with the thought of Sasuke's nude body. Naruto grabbed it in one hand and used the other hand to push against the wall for support. He began to furiously run his hand up and down the length of the shaft. It only took him a minute or two until he released, spraying the shower wall with his seed.

It didn't make him feel any better to do this. After he was done, he actually felt worse about having pleasured himself to the thought of Sasuke when he didn't even know how Sasuke was feeling about him. Naruto cleaned up the shower and wrapped himself in a towel. He brushed his teeth and towel dried his hair. He put on his boxers and stepped out of the shower, releasing heat and steam into the rest of the apartment. Sai smiled at him.

"Hope you had a nice shower." He commented. Naruto looked a little guilty. There was something about Sai's facial expressions that made you think that he knew more than he let on. He sure hoped that Sai didn't know what he did in the shower, but shrugged it off and decided to play cool.

"Yeah, it was fine." He replied nonchalantly. Sai continued to draw and Naruto went out on the back porch. It was a nice sunny day. It would be a great day to train, but Naruto wasn't really feeling up to it.

He layed down on the porch and stared up at the sky, watching the clouds go by in a very Shikamaru-esque style. It was nice to just not think about the way things were. Naruto wondered if that is why Shikamaru participated in this activity so often. He lifted his arm up and looked at the already healed scars from where he had bitten himself so many times before. They were disappearing rapidly, and in a few days one would never know about the self mutilation that he had participated in. Naruto put his arm down, and heard Sai shuffle around inside the house to get into a position to better keep an eye on Naruto. Naruto closed his eyes and allowed the sunlight to beat down on him in full force. It wasn't long until he fell asleep in the warm embrace. He awoke when Sai came to get him.

"If you stay out here much longer, you'll burn." He warned. Naruto pouted,

"I don't care." But he came inside anyway. He got himself a glass of water and made up some cup ramen.

"Do you want any Ramen?" He offered again to Sai. Sai politely declined and resumed his scribbling away. Naruto took his ramen and got into his bed to eat it.

As he ate he watched his Betta fish swim around in its bowl. He had won it at a fair that Ero-Sennin had taken him to right after he had gotten back from training. He had called it Yinghua, for its pinky orange color. He put a few flakes of food into the bowl and Yinghua happily swam to the top of the bowl to eat.

"You're lucky. You don't have to worry about anything. I wish you and I could switch places." Naruto thought inside his head. Yinghua swam to the front of the glass and flared his fins before swimming around the bowl again.

Naruto cracked a smile. At least it was peaceful to watch the little creature enjoying its life.


	4. Chapter 4

The stack of papers on the desk was nothing short of enormous. What she wouldn't give to be elsewhere right now, getting a drink or playing a little game of cards with the boys. Why had she agreed to become Hokage?

"Ahem…" Shizune coughed meaningfully, looking towards the papers that Tsunade was casually ignoring as she stared blankly forwards. Shaking herself out of her daydream, Tsunade sighed and shot a quick glare towards Shizune for pulling her out of her reverie. Tsunade picked up the paper and the stamp and continued to work her way through the mountain of paperwork.

Although it was boring to do all of the work associated with being Hokage, Tsunade was glad she had done it. She was living out her lover's dream, as well as her little brother's.

"To become Hokage…that is my dream!" Tsunade murmured to herself. That is what they had said. For a long time she had tried to avoid those memories, to the point where she almost gave up the opportunity when it was offered. The opportunity to live out the dreams of two of the people she had cared most about. If it wasn't for Naruto…

"Yes, Lady Tsunade?" Shizune questioned. The Hokage looked up at Shizune, who was responding to the whisper that Tsunade had murmured a moment before.

"It's nothing, Shizune." She sighed, stamp in hand.

"Actually, it is something….have you noticed something wrong with Naruto recently?"

Shizune shook her head.

"No, why?"

"It's just his medical report said there was evidence of self-mutilation. And he seems to be less…I don't know, cocky? Outgoing? Less…Naruto-esque. I truly believe that there is something wrong with him." Tsunade mused.

"Perhaps he is just bored?" Shizune replied, "I mean it doesn't explain why he would perform self-mutilation, but perhaps a mission would do some good?"

"Yeah…perhaps. But I don't want to send him out on anything difficult. With his emotional state being what it is, and the way he acted when team Kakashi were facing off against Orochimaru I think that he is at serious risk of letting loose the kyuubi." Tsunade replied.

"What about a nice, C rank mission? There's one to help a merchant caravan cross from the land of Fire to the far end of the land of Rice Paddies. Of course, that is close to the sound village where Orochimaru lives. That may not actually be a great idea…perhaps a D rank…"

"No, no Shizune. If we try to give him a D rank, he'll never leave us alone about it. Even if he is still technically a genin, his track record is too good for D rank. In fact, if anything I think that would make his emotional state worse. The lowest I would go is C rank. Anyway, according to the ANBU black ops, Orochimaru has been sighted in the land of Stone. That is almost a month's journey away. This mission shouldn't take more than two weeks or so. I think we should be ok." Tsunade countered.

"Are you sure…"

"Shizune, if there is one thing I trust is that Naruto knows how to handle himself. Even if he is feeling depressed, he would never allow his own personal problems get in the way of completing the mission or cause harm to his friends. If for some reason team Kakashi did run into Orochimaru, they would be able to hold out on their own. Plus, as we know from their report regarding the great Heaven and Earth bridge that Kobuto and Orochimaru specifically let them go. I don't think that they will be much of a threat, as long as Naruto and Sakura don't see Sasuke, and if Orochimaru is in the land of Stone, then no doubt that is where Sasuke is. I highly doubt that there is any real reason to worry. "

"Yes, Milady…" Shizune bowed and went out of the room to send a messenger to round up team 7.

Tsunade turned and looked out of the window towards the Great Carvings.

"One day, Naruto. You'll have your face up on that wall, believe it."

* * *

"Is that really all you eat?" Sai questioned the blond, who was currently eating ramen and watching his fish swim around its bowl.

"Yeah. It's all I could afford as a child and now I'm just used to it." He shrugged. Sai tilted his head.

"If you would like, I'll cook you something to eat later on. It's the least I can do since you're graciously allowing me a place to stay." Sai smiled.

"If you want to cook then alright. But just so you know I don't have a choice in the matter of you staying at my place or not. It was an order from the Hokage. "

"I know. But you are still being so kind, I would feel terrible if I couldn't do anything in return. Watching you eat ramen for every meal for a month is making me feel terrible. All that fat and salt and preservatives are taking years off your life." Sai sighed.

"I don't much care. Like I said, if you want to cook then alright. I don't much care what you do, as long as you don't bother me too much." Sai frowned. This is how Naruto used to act before they became friends. What was going on?

"Have I done something to upset you?" Sai wondered. Naruto shook his head.

"No. Not you, just…" Naruto paused for a moment, although Sai wasn't entire sure why," Just don't mind me." Naruto put another chopstick full of noodles into his mouth. Sai, ever analytical, noticed that Naruto was definitely acting differently than usual. He knew the facts of Naruto's depression, and now he was beginning to get a front row seat view of the truth. Naruto was acting…sort of like he didn't care about Sai at all, or like he was a nuisance. He was even eating his ramen in a weird way. Instead of swallowing down mouthfuls of noodles like there was no tomorrow, he was casually nibbling, almost as if he thought that eating was a waste of time and he was just going through the motions. It was strange, seeing someone he knew that was usually so warm and happy being so cold and standoffish. The way of emotions still confused Sai, and he had no idea why they held such sway in people that they could entirely change a person's way of life. What, in that release of chemicals in the brain, caused such terrible changes on personality? He didn't think he would ever understand.

There was suddenly a knock on the door to interrupt the awkward silence that was hanging in the air. Naruto didn't even flinch.

"Are you going to go get it?" He wondered. Naruto shrugged.

"What if it is a mission from the Hokage?" Sai pushed. Naruto shook his head.

"It doesn't matter. The doors unlocked anyway. If it is really important they can come in."

Sai stood up and opened the door anyway. Behind the door was Sakura. The pink haired ninja smiled at Sai, who attempted a smile in return.

"Hello Sai. Will you tell the baka to come to the door?" Sai nodded, turned around, and called out.

"Hey, baka, come to the door." Sai had confused the word idiot as a nickname for Naruto again. Sakura's brow twitched.

"Sai…I could've done that much." She retorted. Sai looked confused.

"Then why did you ask me?" Sakura facepalmed and shook her head.

"Never mind."

Fortunately, Naruto actually answered the call and came to the door. Sakura looked him up and down. He was barefoot, and wearing long green sweatpants and a baggy black t-shirt with the Uzumaki swirl on the chest. His eyes were still adorned with dark circles and his eyes still lacked the spark they used to have. Even his face seemed to be more pale and hallowed than usual, despite his natural tan and the slight sunburn he had. His hair was a mess. Sakura noticed that there was no new wound on his arms and got a little satisfaction. Even if Naruto looked like complete crap, at least he had stopped hurting himself.

Naruto stood in front of Sakura looking down towards the ground.

"If you are here to bother me, please leave. I don't want another argument right now." He said.

"You could at least say hi, you know. I mean...it's not like we are friends or anything." She replied sarcastically. Naruto looked up at her with dead eyes.

"We aren't friends, Sakura." He replied. "I can't be your friend anymore." Sakura remembered. She had told him they weren't friends herself. But usually Naruto would ignore that and be chipper anyway. It would take some getting used to before she could handle this Naruto.

"Naruto…" She began to reach out to him but he pulled back.

"I asked you a question. What do you want?" Sakura put her arm down, fighting back tears.

"Lady Tsunade wants team Kakashi to meet her in her office at 6. Please come." Naruto nodded and walked back into his den. Sai saw an upset look on Sakura's face. Was Naru's mood contagious?

"Sakura? Are you alright?" Sai asked, worried. Sakura nodded, and plastered a smile to her face.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just make sure he comes, ok Sai?" Sai smiled back.

"You can count on me!"

* * *

Tsunade looked Naruto up and down as soon as he stepped into the room. He was wearing his typical black and orange outfit and his leaf headband. His eyes seemed dull and he still had sleep deprivation bags under his eyes. His hair was messier than normal and he was slightly hunched over, like he was uncomfortable in his current situation, despite being surrounded by people who cared about him. He also looked thinner, like he had been eating less and his whiskers stood out more as his skin seemed to be lighter and paler than usual. Tsunade had heard from Sakura that he had stopped biting himself, but could not verify that fact through the sleeves of his outfit. She would just have to trust that Sakura was correct. The rest of team Kakashi walked in, minus Kakashi who was on a separate mission. Yamato would be filling in on this mission as well, which was a good thing considering how dangerously close the Kyuubi was to escaping Naruto in his current mental state.

"The mission I have for you today is a C rank. It is very easy and I expect you to have probably finished it in a few weeks. You are to help escort a merchant caravan from the land of Fire to the land of Rice Paddies."

"But Milady! Isn't that where Orochimaru lives? Will he be there?" Sakura wondered. Tsunade shook her head.

"Our intel places Orochimaru far from there at this time. You should be alright." Sakura wasn't sure of she was happy or sad about that. If Orochimaru had been there, it would mean a chance to get Sasuke. Of course, if Naruto saw Sasuke in this state, he would probably feel worse. So perhaps this really was a good thing.

Everyone was only slightly surprised to not hear a peep from Naruto about the nature of the assignment. No one had really expected him to protest while he was in this state, but it would have been nice anyway. It would have proved that some of the old Naruto still resided in this shell he had become.

"You are all dismissed. Leave first thing in the morning." Tsunade ordered.

As they were leaving the building, Sakura watched Naruto's back. What had happened to him? It seemed like only a few weeks ago he was joking around and fighting with Sai, and now he didn't seem to care about anything anymore. It was almost like he had lost everyone he cared about.

"We are all still here, Naruto…" She thought to herself. "I hope you know that…"

* * *

Naruto was the first one to arrive at the gate entrance before they departed. He had left early in the morning, while it was still very dark and the world was still covered in dew. He liked to be out at times like these because no one was up yet. Also, he hadn't slept last night at all. The stupid fox had been at it again, talking to his reflection again. Ever since Naruto had started using the mirror that Ero-Sennin had given him, he hadn't felt right. Ero-Sennin had said that the mirror would help him learn to tame the Kyuubi and use its power, but everytime he looks into it his reflection gets stronger and takes over his mind more and more. The fox loved Naruto's reflection, what he called his 'real self', because it was full of hate and anger. Naruto fought against the power of his reflection as hard as he could, but it was so difficult…not when he knew exactly how the reflection was feeling.

"Naruto!" Sai called out. "I was worried!" Naruto shrugged.

"I'm fine." He replied. Sai smiled.

"I saw Sakura on my way here, and Yamato is almost here as well."

"Good." Naruto responded. Why was he feeling so empty? Usually he was very excited to go on missions, even if it was an easy one. A chance to get out of the village was all he really wanted usually. But for some strange reason, he had no desire to do anything at all, especially not a mission where he would be responsible for other's lives as well as his own.

"_You should quit being a ninja. Why do you bother to protect a village that hates you or friends that you can't even protect from yourself? No one really cares about you but I. No one really knows you or understands you but I. You should just quit and work at Ichiraku's for the rest of your life. Think about it! Free Ramen forever, and that old man was the only person who cared a rat's ass about you ever. Wouldn't you rather that than this meaningless existence?"_

"What about that Ramen lifestyle? How is that meaningful?"

"_Because you would be doing it for yourself, not for others who don't care one bit about whether you are dead or alive. They left you to die in an alleyway! Sakura told you that you guys aren't even friends! What more do you need to hear before you give up on this charade of being the village hero? It doesn't matter how hard you try, they will always hate you. And it doesn't matter how hard you try, you will never forgive them."_

Something about what the fox said echoed inside Naruto. It rang true in many ways, and of course his reflection just loved that.

"_Listen to the Kyuubi, Naruto. We know what he is saying is true. No one cares about us, and because of that we hate everyone just as much as they hate us. Don't ever forget the pain they caused us. Don't ever let them sweep it under the carpet like it was nothing. They seriously fucked us up for life, and nothing that they do can make up for it!"_

Naruto didn't even bother replying. He didn't really feel like arguing.

Sakura and Yamato arrived at almost the exact same time, fortunately. With Yamato in the lead, the 4 ninja ran off towards their destination.


End file.
